How to obtain harmony in a home shared by a packrat and a minimalist?

Question

I'm currently living with my friend. I'm a minimalists, although not as conservative as some people I've seen. I pretty much like to just keep the counter tops/tables clean with not too much furniture and I don't like to hold onto things for long. If I find that I haven't used something in a year, it gets put into a garage sale or donated, with the exception of my "sentimental" box, which once it's full, I take everything out and decide what I can get rid of.

She's a packrat. She holds onto everything, including junk mail and broken things (she says they'll be good for parts but 3 broken vacuum cleaners is just too much). She is almost afraid of empty spaces because if there is an empty corner, she'll buy a table and she needs to have something on the middle of every table. She has boxes and boxes of things that almost never gets used and is paying an extra 100 bucks a month on a storage facility just to hold her extra stuff that she has not seen or used in 10 years. She likes things clean but with so much stuff that goes into the house and not much going out, it's very hard. I can see that in the future, she'll just be buying bigger and bigger storage spaces and that's not good on the wallet.

Basically, I love having space and she loves filling spaces. I'm a little sick of cleaning up after her but I'm trying to respect her life style while staying true to my own since we both live here and I'm the one who mostly does the housework. Any tips?

Answer 1

Compromise. See if she'll agree to allowing some spaces in your home to be clutter-free and others to be rat-holes. That was she can live her way in some places, and you can live your way in others.



For sure, what won't work is if you try to change her ways. Anytime you live with other people, you'll find that each person's 'clutter-tolerance' is different, and often the person with the lowest tolerance ends up doing all the cleaning. A chore-wheel can be a good solution to that, if everyone agrees to use it.

Answer 2

Your solution is compromise. You have to find a spot in the middle that is comfortable for both of you. Or designate areas where she can put stuff that's not in the way. Maybe you should get her to realize how much money she could be saving! I know it's hard because I come from a packrat family. My grandmother had so much stuff you couldn't sit on her couch or eat on her table! I try to fight my instincts all the time. It's that stupid feeling that as soon as you get rid of something you find what it went to or you need it for something else. It always happens! But I try to be realistic and just get rid of stuff. I hate all the effort that goes into a yard sale so I just donate everything. I make my kids go through their toys twice a year (christmas and birthdays) and I go through their clothes twice a year and my clothes once a year. Anything I haven't worn in a year goes out the door (with exception for special occasion items).



You have to talk to your friend and reach an agreement with her. It's the only way. Good luck!

Answer 3

Although I'm only 17 I know exactly how you feel. Almost two years ago my grandmother moved into my mother's house. My mother is very particular about things being neat and uncluttered. My grandmother is the COMPLETE opposite.



My grandmother has more belongings in storage and in my mother's "basement,closets,drawers and baskets" than my mom owns.



This has been the source of a lot of friction between them, so they came up with a way to compromise. My mother helps my grandmother go through her belongings and sorts out what she needs and doesn't need and what she can give to charity. Similarly my grandmother works on not shopping for more things to clutter the house. As a result my mother tries not get upset if the house isn't exactly spotless.



Maybe you could try talking to your roommate and the two of you can come up with a compromise of your own. Maybe you could even explain that in our current 'recession' it would do her good to go through her things and stop paying for storage space she doesn't need. (Sound convicing enough?)



Hope it works out

Answer 4

move, or just work on keeping your own space the way youd like it, and try to compromise on shared spaces. For example, obviously you design your own room she designs hers. Then maybe you can compromise, like one of you gets to design the kitchen, the other the living room. You can automatically revamp the bathroom by telling her you need your bathroom to be as clean and tidy as possible for health reasons.

Answer 5

This is the story of the odd couple. One of you will have to change, or move.